


The Problem In Ambiguity

by BlueandBronze



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confusion, Gen, Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), POV Arthur, POV Merlin (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21704701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueandBronze/pseuds/BlueandBronze
Summary: Arthur finds Merlin baffling, his ineptitude, his surprising wisdom, his bravery, his cowardice...there's a lot. And sometimes he doesn't know what to make of him.Until one day, he thinks he's figured it out...The story in which Arthur puts two and two together to make five, resulting in confusion and angst.Enjoy!
Relationships: Arthur Pendragon & Percival (Merlin), Elyan & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Elyan & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Percival (Merlin), Knights & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights & Merlin (Merlin), Leon & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 464





	1. There’s Something Unusual About Merlin

**Author's Note:**

> So I found the idea for this while on Pintrest, and I just couldn't resist!  
> Hope you enjoy! :)  
> Link to Pin: https://pin.it/363hoecblenotj

** Chapter 1: There’s Something Unusual About Merlin **

  
  


Arthur had a new manservant. 

This wasn’t a new state of affairs, he often had new manservants. Only one at a time, but he always had found them so spineless, so stuffy, so obsequious, and he simply couldn’t stand it for long. He’d pay them, wish them well, and on they’d go. And the next would be shuffled in. 

Now his father had appointed one. 

Well, he wasn’t obsequious. That at least could be said about him. And given that he’d saved Arthur’s life, probably not spineless. 

That didn’t stop him being an idiot. 

Merlin was a moron. He had no idea of any duties, he was clumsy, Arthur was beginning to despair already, and it was only their first day. They had training, and admittedly Merlin had stood up rather well to it all, but he showed no initiative with the sword, and Arthur had no idea what to make of him. 

Their days continued. 

Arthur began to notice more about Merlin. 

He _was_ clumsy. But he did understand his duties. He wasn’t as unintelligent as he appeared, sometimes he seemed downright smart, and surprisingly insightful in a way that Arthur didn’t know how to deal with. 

He had his quirks, but Arthur grew steadily more fond of them, rather than annoyed. 

But then there was how Merlin was also capable of throwing himself into danger, whenever any showed, he drank poison for Arthur, he leapt to push Arthur away from the knife, it was all happening far too frequently. 

And Arthur had no idea what to make of him. 

Even so, he couldn’t deny that he liked Merlin. He was kind, he could be funny, he offered opinions on most things, he knew when to be quiet, and when to talk. And Arthur grew fond of him and began to regard Merlin as more than his unusual servant, into his best friend. 

This didn’t stop him from wondering sometimes, how it was possible to know a person so well, and yet, not know them at all. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Hurry up Merlin!” Arthur yelled from his horse. Merlin was still checking the packs, and casting worried looks around, as he had been doing frequently throughout the journey. 

“Just a minute,” Merlin called back, neatly tying the straps of the pack on his horse. He gave them a neat tug, checking it wasn’t about to come undone, and gave the mare a pat. 

“Come on!” Arthur complained, still on his horse, watching as Merlin dragged out the various tasks. 

Merlin rolled his eyes at no one in particular and mounted. The moment he was seated, Arthur clicked his tongue and began to set off. 

“I’m still not sure about this,” Merlin said. Arthur sighed. Merlin was having one of his funny feelings again. 

“Well, I am,” Arthur said with certainty. 

Morgana had been missing for about a month. Some villagers had claimed that they had seen her, and of course, he had been sent out to investigate those claims. 

“But we don’t even know if she’ll be there or not, all this could be some wild goose chase!” Merlin pointed out. 

“That’s why we are investigating,” Arthur explained patiently, “In order to find out whether the claims are true or not.” 

“But even if they are true,” Merlin continued, “Then what if we run into Morgause? She beat you once before, what’s to stop her winning again?”

“Because we are more prepared this time,” Arthur said, trying not to let Merlin’s arguments sway him. He had a task, and he would be damned if he didn’t complete it. He was not going to back out now, he couldn’t just turn back, _oh sorry about that, no I have no idea whether or not the claims are true, my servant had a funny feeling, so we came home_. He could imagine his father’s expression as he pictured the scene. 

“Honestly Merlin, you worry like you’re my wife.”

Merlin’s eyes went wide, and he began to splutter, clearly trying to explain how ridiculous Arthur was being. 

But Arthur felt as if someone had just lit a candle in a darkened room. No, more than a candle, a huge bonfire had just sprung into life, showing everything in a new light. 

Was it possible that Merlin...loved him? No. Surely. 

It explained the way he always protected him. It explained his secretiveness. 

Merlin had never seemed to have loved any girl. Never. In three years since he had been in Camelot. 

There had never been anyone. 

But surely not, surely that wasn’t possible, and even if he was, how could Arthur check? He could ask Merlin-no, no, that wasn’t happening. 

Arthur resolved quietly not to mention it, until he knew more. 

* * *

His days continued in much the same way. 

Merlin continued to be the same enigma, speaking outright, perceptive, intelligent if a little slow on the uptake sometimes, clumsy and cheerful. 

Except that his oddness, the unusual flashes of great insight, or an almost prophetic knowledge, and his way of running into danger without so much as armour or a weapon, and frequently being the only person unscathed. And, for all his jokes, he knew it wasn’t due to Merlin’s skill at hiding. 

Merlin was an open book, emotions were always visible, he wore his heart on his sleeve. Except that the book was written in some other language, and it was one that Arthur didn’t speak. The answers were all there, waiting to be read, but impossible unless you understood. 

And now a new addition. Merlin hated taverns. He loathed getting dragged in by Arthur, and he could never cope with much, always ending up far too drunk, after far too little, if ever he drank, which was a rare occasion on its own. 

Yet now, whenever Arthur turned his back, Merlin was gone, and he was leaving for the tavern. 

He could be gone for days. And he’d return, stumbling, sometimes with odd injuries or a limp, as if he had been fighting. 

Arthur still had no idea what to make of any of it. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


It happened not long after his coronation. 

Arthur was weighed down by everything he needed done. Everything needed looking at, his uncle was doing things already, there were a stack of papers that needed reading, signing and who knew what and _where the hell was Merlin?_

He read the paper through. He couldn’t make any sense of it. He read it again. 

There were so many flowery words, why couldn’t people just write We Need Money for This, and Arthur could just say, yes or no. He was fairly sure the paper was about someone asking for money. He wasn’t sure what for. 

Was it for goats? He wasn’t sure why they would need money for goats, and it did vaguely sound like a metaphor, although for what, again, he didn’t know. Or why someone would use the metaphor of a goat. Did the _goats_ want money?

He put the paper to one side. He could deal with it later. He picked up the next. 

He kept going with his strategy. 

He did begin to notice the flaw with it, namely the fact that the pile of uncertain papers was growing rather more considerably then the pile of organised papers. 

Finally, he had finished, and turned to face his stack of indecipherable papers. 

It looked about as high as the stack there’d been before. With a groan, he let his head fall onto the desk, and then moaned as his head throbbed. 

He wasn’t sure quite how long he lay there, desperately hoping the papers would somehow sort themselves. 

“What on earth happened?” 

Arthur raised his head. Merlin was staring, utterly bemused as he took in the sight of Arthur with his head on a desk, surrounded by papers. 

“I’d like to ask you that,” Arthur replied, standing up. “Where exactly have you been?” 

“Oh, um,” Merlin looked as if he were scrambling frantically for an answer, but Arthur raised a hand. 

“The tavern again? Really, Merlin, this is becoming a problem.” Arthur couldn’t help but feel a little worry at that. Merlin was disappearing off to the tavern at all times of the day, and he was lying about it. “Look, you know you can’t do that forever,” Arthur said, trying to sound more reassuring.

“It wasn’t the tavern!” Merlin protested weakly, “It wasn’t!”

“Then where were you?” 

Merlin stared at him, and Arthur could almost hear his brain working frantically. “It was...I was collecting herbs!”  
  


“Merlin.” Arthur put his hand to his forehead, “I have had an extremely long day. Please don’t lie to me.”

Merlin flinched slightly, before finally sitting down. “Do you honestly want the truth?” 

“Yes, of course!” Arthur said, staring in bewilderment at Merlin. His expression had changed, Merlin looked serious, considering. 

Oh. 

And Arthur remembered that odd little thought. Was Merlin about to tell Arthur about his...feelings? 

He felt his insides squirm uncomfortably, but if Merlin needed to get it off his chest, then...he would just have to bear it. 

He sat down opposite Merlin. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Merlin looked as if he had come suddenly to a decision. His eyes had become watery. 

Oh, this was not Arthur’s forte. 

“Arthur...there’s something I want to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, but I never...really knew how to.” 

He looked like he was struggling so much. Arthur couldn’t bear it any more, not when he knew what Merlin was saying. 

“It’s alright Merlin, I know.” 

Merlin’s eyes went wide again. His mouth gaped. He seemed incapable of speech for a moment. “You know?” He said finally, sounding aghast. “How? How long?”

“I suspected for a while,” Arthur admitted. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” 

“Well, you obviously didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and I didn’t want…” Arthur trailed off, in the face of Merlin’s expression of horrified, slight terror, slight bafflement. “But nothing can come of it. And I don’t see any reason why we can’t continue as we always have.” Arthur tried to sound reassuring. 

Merlin was looking stunned. “So... we’re just going to act as if this conversation didn’t happen?” 

Arthur tried to gauge the correct response. “I guess? We can just carry on as we’re doing already, nothing needs to change,” He said reassuringly. 

“Oh.” Merlin’s expression was unreadable. “Ok.” 

He stood, and he looked oddly shaky. “I think I ought to...head back now.” 

If Merlin wanted some space, then Arthur didn’t really want to push him. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Merlin left, the door closing firmly behind him. 

Well that could have gone worse, Arthur tried to say to himself. 

At least, he thought with some satisfaction, all the secrets were out in the open now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Arthur. 
> 
> Up next...a patrol goes a bit wrong, and a lot of angst ensues :)


	2. Misunderstandings abound

** Chapter 2: Misunderstandings abound **

  
  


Merlin sat in the corridor, back against the wall, staring at nothing. 

  
  


Arthur knew. Had known for a while. And he had said nothing. His magic didn’t mean anything to him. His magic made no difference. 

He didn’t seem to care. 

  
  


Merlin had no idea what to do with that. The decision to finally tell Arthur had sprung upon him suddenly. He just couldn’t see any reason to hide it anymore, he and Arthur were friends, of sorts, Uther had died, Arthur was king now. 

If there was a time to reveal himself, to begin the change toward a time when magic could be practiced freely, it was now. 

  
  


But Arthur didn’t think anything needed to change. 

  
  


Maybe he would be able to show Arthur that magic wasn’t as bad as he feared. It was at least in the open, and this had to be a good thing, Arthur knew about his magic, had known for some time, and still seemed to want to keep a friendship with him. That had to be a good thing. _Had_ to be. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


There was a patrol to leave soon. Merlin tied his neckerchief more securely around his neck, made sure the pack was attached, and mounted his horse. 

Gwaine caught his eye and grinned, and Merlin couldn’t help but grin back, as they waited for the rest of the knights to prepare. Leon was already mounted, and was waiting patiently, in contrast to Gwaine. 

  
  


They hadn’t been out on patrol, just the knights of the round table, and Merlin of course, for some time, and it was always enjoyable when they could, and this one was to last for a couple days while they patrolled the various areas about Camelot. 

  
  


They finally set off, Merlin riding beside Gwaine and Percival. He liked them, Gwaine always spoke enough that he never felt that he needed to contribute much, and he could just lean into the ridiculous stories Gwaine spoke about, which was perfect right then. 

  
  


Winter was approaching fast. As he breathed, great clouds would appear, before dissipating, and he could see the same happening to his horse, great puffs of smoke, reminding him of dragon’s breath. 

The day began with mist spread across the forest, as he looked about the world was painted in almost monochromatic shades, with a few orange leaves scattered across the path, or a splash of red berries across a muted green bush. The air was cold and damp, and he hugged his jacket a little tighter about him. 

  
  


They rode on, and gradually the mists began to clear. Arthur called everyone to a halt as the sun rose above them. 

  
  


Merlin dismounted, careful to avoid Arthur. He still wasn’t entirely sure of how to act around him yet, he needed time to think. He pulled out his pots and began to set up a fire with some wood Elyan had just collected. 

Soon enough, the hastily made stew was boiling, and Merlin pulled out the wooden bowls, and set about pouring out the mixture. 

The knights came by cheerily, grabbing bowls and taking their seats around, grinning and joking with one another. 

  
  


Merlin settled down with his own bowl, took a small spoonful, and for a while, he felt content.

  
  


It lasted about a minute. 

  
  


Then there were shouts, and suddenly all the knights had swords drawn, as bandits charged into the small camp. 

  
  


The clearing was suddenly filled with the shouts and cries, the clangs of steel on steel as the knights raised their swords, Merlin ducked sharply as a sword came swinging for his head and threw himself to the side. 

  
  


It was mayhem, there were just so many bandits. 

But Arthur knew about his magic now. Arthur knew. And now Merlin could finally step in without worrying about being revealed. He stood and raised a hand. 

_“Awendaþ eft!”_ He made no effort to conceal it, his hand raised before him as the bandits were flung backwards by an invisible force, leaving the knights standing alone in the clearing, the bandits piled up against one another. 

  
  


There was a moment in which no one moved. Then there was a cry of _“Sorcery!”_ And the bandits struggled to their feet and fled.

  
  


All the knights were staring at Merlin, who was starting to realise what he had done. The sheer insanity of the plan. 

Even Arthur was staring at Merlin, mouth agape, horror in his eyes. 

Leon and Elyan were staring with matching expressions of shock, Percival looked as if someone had hit him unexpectedly, and was eyeing Merlin warily. 

Gwaine however was looking serious, and moved quickly beside Merlin, his hand still on his sword. 

  
  


“...Arthur?” Merlin asked hesitantly in the silence. Arthur was looking as if he had never seen Merlin before, which he couldn’t understand. 

  
  


“You…” Arthur seemed to be struggling a bit, “You...have...magic. You’re a sorcerer.” His voice sounded hollow. 

  
  


Merlin stared at him, bemused. 

“I don’t understand,” he said finally, “I told you that yesterday? And... you said you already knew?” 

  
  


All the knights suddenly turned to stare at Arthur, who had suddenly gained a look of realisation. Then he flushed. 

“Oh.” He said. 

  
  


“OH?” Merlin repeated, starting to feel his anxiety rising, _“Oh?_ That’s all you have to say? I don’t _understand_ , I told you about it _yesterday_ , you said you already _knew,_ and you were _fine_ with it- “ 

  
  


“I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME.” 

  
  


Silence. 

  
  


A bird chirped in a tree. 

  
  


Arthur had flushed bright red. 

  
  


Merlin was unable to stop staring at Arthur blankly. 

  
  


It was a silence of pure, undiluted bafflement. 

  
  


Finally, Merlin spoke. 

  
  


“You... _WHAT_? HOW? HOW DID YOU COME TO THAT?” 

  
  


Merlin had just shown magic to Arthur. In all his life, he had never thought of revealing it in this way, and he couldn’t undo it, and oh no, oh no, he had just revealed he had magic to the king of Camelot and all his knights, what were they going to do to him-

  
  


“I am a bit lost myself,” Gwaine said finally. “What...just happened?” 

  
  


“Merlin’s a sorcerer,” Leon said blankly, deeming unable to express his emotions about this. 

  
  


“Well, obviously- “Gwaine continued, before stopping as everyone turned to stare at him instead. He looked startled at suddenly becoming the focus of attention. “What? There something in my teeth or something?” 

  
  


“Did...did you already know?” Percival asked, seeming stunned. 

  
  


Gwaine looked surprised. “Well, yeah? I mean, when we met, he was flinging plates magically, I just figured he didn’t like talking about it, and when I remembered Camelot’s laws against it, I realised why. Is this honestly a surprise to you all?” 

  
  


“YOU KNEW?” Merlin exploded, unable to believe the situation unfolding, “ALL THIS TIME? YOU _KNEW?”_

  
  


“Hate to break it to you mate, but you’re not exactly subtle. I mean, I think today demonstrated that fairly well.” 

  
  


Heads were turning from Gwaine to Merlin, and back again as if watching a ball being thrown. Most people seemed to have gone temporarily mute. Arthur was still the same shade as his cloak but seemed to be trying to collect himself. 

  
  


Merlin was standing in the middle of the clearing, beside Gwaine, before the rest of the knights. 

He had made a terrible mistake. A truly terrible mistake. 

He had no idea what was going to happen to him now. 

  
  


This wasn’t meant to happen this way. 

  
  


Arthur opened his mouth, before closing it again. He looked rather like a fish, a confused, embarrassed, mildly betrayed fish. 

“So, last night...you were trying to tell me about... _this?”_

  
  


Merlin felt as if his throat had closed over. “Yeah,” he managed to say eventually. 

  
  


“You’re _not_ going to execute him!” Gwaine declared, sounding outraged. “I mean, yeah, it’s against that stupid law, but look at this! He just might have saved all our lives! Or at least someone getting injured. Did you even see how many bandits there were? Do you really think we would have escaped _unscathed?_ Do you- “

  
  


“Gwaine!” Arthur interrupted, his face still a little coloured, but fading now as his embarrassment receded, “Let me _think_ damn it!” 

  
  


Silence descended on the clearing once again, interrupted only by a small chittering of a bird somewhere in the trees. Merlin was frozen, the seconds seemed to be passing slower than they had ever done in his life. 

_Execution_. 

Would Arthur really...he said he needed to think. Was it really possible that...after _everything?_

  
  


He looked away, and his gaze caught on a small bush growing by the clearing. Each leaf seemed oddly defined, as if time had temporarily frozen. He felt hollow, waves of anxiety were crashing over him, as he tried to count his breaths to calm himself. 

In...out...in...out…

  
  


“Merlin.” Arthur wasn’t quite meeting his eyes, and his heart plummeted, “I want to just talk to you. Alone.” 

  
  


Leon, Elyan and Percival hesitated. Gwaine however didn’t budge. 

“I’m not leaving you with him,” He said firmly. “Not until- “ 

  
  


“Gwaine, I just want to talk- “

  
  


“You can talk with me here.”

  
  


“Gwaine,” Merlin put his hand on Gwaine’s shoulder, “It’s...alright.” 

  
  


Gwaine gave him a searching look, before nodding sharply and turned a glare on Arthur. “If you need me, just call,” He said pointedly, before walking over to the others. Percival put a hand on his shoulder as they soon melted away into the trees. 

  
  


And Merlin and Arthur were alone. 

  
  


This conversation would no doubt take a while. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Arthur raked his hand through his hair. 

  
  


He genuinely didn’t know what to do. 

  
  


This...he didn’t even understand. Usually in a situation like this, he would turn to Merlin, ask for advice, or more likely throw things at Merlin until Merlin proffered some advice that Arthur would usually ignore, until he thought it over and realised any potential. 

  
  


But was impossible now. How could he ask Merlin for advice, when Merlin was the problem?

  
  


Merlin was a sorcerer. Sorcerers are evil. Therefore, Merlin was evil. 

  
  


Except he wasn’t. 

  
  


Oh, for goodness _sake_ , how could Merlin _still_ be a walking contradiction? How was it _possible?_

  
  


But it was undeniable, Merlin wasn’t, could never be, evil. He cried at unicorns, he was fairly sure he made noises during hunts to scare away creatures to prevent them being hunted, he was terrified of wilderin, he let Arthur _throw_ things at him and _he was a servant._

Where did sorcery even fit? 

  
  


Merlin was watching him warily. He didn’t seem terrified, but there was something in his eyes, something Arthur had never really seen before. A trace of fear. 

Fear of _him_. 

And he felt something twist inside him. 

  
  


He just didn’t know what to do. 

  
  


“Merlin,” He said finally, as he realised, he had simply been contemplating in silence for far too long. 

  
  


Merlin looked up and met him in the eye. “Yes, sire?” 

  
The word sounded strange from Merlin. 

  
  


“I’m not going to decide anything right now,” Arthur said finally. He needed time, he needed to think. Right now, he didn’t even know how to start.

  
  


“You’re...not?” 

  
  


“No,” Arthur said, and then inspiration struck. It wasn’t perhaps a perfect plan, but it bought him time to just _think_ , “I want you to return to Camelot-”

  
  


Merlin jolted at that, and stared at Arthur wildly, although he didn’t speak as Arthur continued. 

  
  


“-and when I return...well. We shall see.” 

  
  


Hopefully he would have come up with a solution by then. 

  
  


Merlin seemed speechless for a moment, before managing to pull himself together. “Alright-I mean, as you wish, Sire.” 

  
  


Merlin walked as if in a daze, seeming unable to believe what was happening, and Arthur could hardly bear it. 

  
  


He watched Merlin mount his horse and ride out. 

  
  


Almost the moment Merlin disappeared through the trees, Gwaine burst out from behind Arthur. 

  
  


“What happened?” He demanded, then as he looked about, unable to see Merlin, his expression hardened. “Where is he?” 

  
  


“Gwaine!” Percival burst out as well, looking anxious, “Gwaine, we’re _meant_ to wait-”

  
  


“Where. Is. He?” Gwaine repeated, focused entirely on Arthur, his eyes no longer glinting in merriment. Now they were hard as flints. 

  
  


“He went back to Camelot. There’s a lot to think about, and I thought it would be best.” Gwaine opened his mouth as if to argue, but Arthur felt suddenly drained, and turned away, no mood to argue any further. 

  
  


He had a lot to consider. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spells used: 
> 
> Awendaþ eft - Avert/turn aside/remove back
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you to all the lovely people who've been leaving kudos and commenting, I honestly wasn't expecting much of a reaction, so, thank you to all of you!


	3. Even the Existence of Merlin can make Life Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Happy Belated New Year!
> 
> So sorry that this update's taken a while, I was away over Christmas and didn't bring my laptop. Well, hope you enjoy it now!  
> Thoroughly enjoyed writing this, so I hope you like it!

** Chapter 3: Even the Existence of Merlin can make Life Complicated **

  
  
  


That night, Arthur couldn’t sleep. 

He stared into the embers of the slowly dying fire as he lay there. 

Merlin. 

The enigma. 

Loyal to a fault. 

And a sorcerer. 

He had lied. He had used magic. He had been Arthur’s friend. 

Arthur turned over with a groan. How was he supposed to know what to do? This didn’t _happen_. Sorcerers were evil, they attacked, attempted to murder him, and then they were defeated. They _didn’t_ serve as servants and become friends. Except Merlin did. 

He was starting to regret sending Merlin away. 

The punishment for sorcery was death. He tried to imagine calling for Merlin’s execution and shuddered. No. He couldn’t. Banishment?

He bit his lip. It was a possibility. But Merlin saved their lives, with his magic, and he had never done anything to hurt Arthur, he had been his friend for so long, that it felt wrong to punish him. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what he was punishing him for. Magic, of course, but maybe if he just spoke to Merlin, and managed to show him that magic was wrong, and how it corrupted the soul, then maybe Merlin would understand, and they could go back to how they were before? 

Somehow, he didn’t think Merlin would be too keen, but he would just have to _explain_ it to him. But usually when he tried to put his foot down about something, Merlin would nod, and just carry on with whatever he had been doing, and Arthur tried not to notice. He had long known that if Merlin truly wanted to do something, then he would usually do it, permission be damned. 

Magic had killed his father. He couldn’t allow this to continue. Right? 

He rolled over once again, and before him was Percival, who jumped back as their eyes met. 

“Arthur,” He said, startled, his voice a whisper, “I just came to wake you, Sire.”

“Why?” He asked, temporarily diverted. 

“It’s your watch, sire.” 

Ah yes. Arthur sat up slowly and made his way to the point deemed for look out. To his surprise, when he turned, Percival had followed. 

“You can go to sleep, Percival,” Arthur reminded him, “I can take the watch alone.” 

Percival hesitated, then straightened as if coming to a decision. “I just wanted to ask...have you decided anything about...well. Have you come to a decision?” 

Arthur sighed heavily. 

Percival looked a little anxious. “It’s alright, you needn’t confide in me,” He said hurriedly, “But I just wanted to say that...well. I haven't known Merlin for all that long, compared to most people here. But I heard about him from Lancelot before, and I know Lancelot thought highly of him, and, well, I always figured that if Lancelot thought someone was good, then they likely were. It’s partially why I came to help when Morgana had taken Camelot, and why I continued to serve you after. I truly don’t think that Merlin deserves to be...punished for sorcery in... the usual way.”

Arthur listened closely. Percival didn’t tend to go for speeches, but when he did, Arthur always tried to listen. He usually noticed far more than people gave him credence for, and Arthur usually valued his insight greatly, particularly given that it wasn’t often forthcoming. 

“I truly don’t know what to do,” Arthur said in a low voice, finally. “I’m not going to...I _can’t_...as you said, punish him in the _usual way._ ” He hated that that was even a consideration, the night before he would never have believed that it ever could be. “But I just...he lied to me. For _years_. And I just don’t know whether I can still trust him. Whether I should have ever trusted him. I…” He broke off, dragging his hand though his hair once more. He could feel it sticking up slightly from the amount of times he had done that this evening. 

Percival listened intently, then paused for a moment. “Admittedly,” He said softly, “He did have a reason to lie.” 

Arthur froze, turning to Percival in confusion. 

“I mean,” Percival said hurriedly, still in the same low voice to avoid waking the sleeping knights, “Just, when you met, you were a prince, and he would have been just a servant. I don’t know how you were at the start, but I doubt you would have been immediately friends.” 

That was an understatement. 

“So, I could understand in that situation, I probably wouldn’t start off my employment by announcing to the prince of Camelot that I was routinely breaking the law. I mean, I doubt you would be putting as much thought into what to do now if that had happened.”

Percival had a point. He hated to admit it, even to himself. 

“I mean, I don’t know when he learned it,” Percival continued, sounding less sure of himself now, “But I don’t think he would have learned it after coming to work in Camelot, and seeing what happens to sorcerers first hand. So, he probably arrived already knowing it.” Percival paused. “Anyway, my point was that Merlin is a good man, and from what I’ve seen, he is completely loyal to Camelot, and to you. He wouldn’t wish any harm on any of us. And he did reveal himself by saving out lives, or at least saving us from serious injuries. And perhaps he did lie, but I don’t see that he would have had much choice in that.” 

Arthur swallowed hard. “Thank you, Percival,” He said honestly, “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Percival gave a nod, and walked back to his bed roll, leaving Arthur staring off into the long shadows of the trees. 

The moon shone brightly above, the stars cartwheeled on overhead. And Arthur was thinking. All the while. Trying to put all the information together in a way that would fit all that he knew about Merlin. 

“Percival’s right you know.” 

  
Arthur startled, and looked around at where the others were sleeping, where he saw Gwaine lying on his roll, eyes reflecting the firelight. He met Arthur’s eyes steadily, and Arthur realised that Gwaine had probably been having the same difficulty in sleeping as Arthur. 

“I suppose you have some thoughts you’d like to share then,” Arthur said, in no mood for Gwaine’s usual theatrics. 

“None I don’t think have already occurred to you.” Gwaine said pointedly. “You already know Merlin is completely loyal to you. You also now know that he has magic. I know you aren't exactly overly _fond_ of sorcery- “

_“Not overly fond?”_ Arthur repeated in disbelief, struggling to keep his voice from rising, “Gwaine, magic killed my father!” 

“And a sword killed mine!” Gwaine said sharply, “But I don’t hold any grudge against swords!” 

Arthur didn’t know what to say. 

“But that’s different,” He said, a little weakly. Gwaine sat up, moving a little closer, away from the probably-sleeping knights. 

“Is it?” Gwaine shrugged, “I’m not so sure.” 

Arthur rubbed at his temple, trying to think clearly. “How long did you know Merlin had magic?” He said finally, turning on Gwaine, “And why exactly did you see fit to keep that from me?” 

“I suspected it the day we met. Then every other time we did, something would always happen, just convenient stuff that always only happened around Merlin, or if he knew what was happening, and I just sort of put it together. It just made sense. I didn’t tell you, because it wasn’t my secret to tell.” 

Arthur looked at him blankly. “But how could you just...accept it?” 

“Because he’s my friend and I trust him,” Gwaine said simply. “And besides, I’ve travelled for a long time. I’ve seen a lot of stuff. One thing I’ve seen is just ordinary people, usually in other kingdoms, just living their lives. And some of them would make potions to heal their neighbours, or make sure the crops yielded a good harvest, or just make the pots stir themselves so that the meal was cooking as they dealt with something else. Just ordinary people, who just happened to have magic. Magic isn’t always bad.”

“Are _you_ a sorcerer?” Arthur said bluntly. 

Gwaine startled and gave a double take. “No, I’m not. Why? Do you think you need magic to be able to understand that some people don’t deserve to be murdered for their talents?” 

Arthur hated this. He hated it so much. He knew what he should do. What his father would have done. But he wasn’t his father. And he couldn’t. And he couldn’t tell Gwaine that he was wrong. 

He wanted to, he really wanted to. He wanted to ignore him, to make Gwaine shut up, and stop pointing things out. 

He didn’t like to think that his father could have been so horrifically wrong. 

That _he_ had been so horrifically wrong. 

“But, Morgana,” Arthur clutched to the example desperately, hating it, “She was…so different growing up. But then she got magic, and now look at her.” 

Gwaine sighed. “I never said that all sorcerers were good. I said that not all sorcerers deserve to die for knowing a skill that you don’t.” 

“I am not against magic out of _jealousy_ ,” Arthur said hotly, “Magic corrupts-” 

“Power corrupts,” Gwaine countered, “And yet we still have kings.” 

Arthur stood up and began to pace in the darkness of the wood. Gwaine watched him with an unreadable expression. 

Finally, he rounded on Gwaine. “Alright. Let’s say I agree with you, magic is fine and great, even so, what am I supposed to do about Merlin?”

“You’re the king,” Gwaine shrugged carelessly, “You’ll do what you like. But if I were you,” He straightened up, meeting Arthur’s wild eyes completely steadily, “I’d get rid of that ridiculous law. There’s no reason for it that I can see. Sure, you need some way to stop people abusing magic, but banning it isn’t the answer here. Truthfully, I don’t know why it was banned in the first place.”

Arthur felt as if he had been slapped. Repeal the ban. It had never really occurred to him. Not before meeting Dragoon anyway. And after that...he had seen against it. And Gwaine sounded so serious. Not a single joke at all. Apparently, he could be serious when he felt a need to. 

“My father saw that it was out of control,” Arthur repeated what he had been told many times before when he was younger, entranced by fantastical tales of exploits, “He banned it because he saw the threat it posed to other people, and the kingdom as a whole.” 

“Did he now.” Arthur couldn’t tell if Gwaine was considering what he said or mocking him. 

“He did.” 

“And why do you keep it?”

“All magic I’ve seen has been to hurt me or someone close to me.”

“Except for that time this afternoon when Merlin saved your life with magic.” 

Arthur groaned. Couldn’t he have one argument? Just one thing to stick to? Just one thing he could truly believe. 

He felt as if his world was crumbling beneath his feet, as if he had turned down a familiar street and found it devoid of any sense or meaning. 

“Gwaine. I can’t just repeal the ban. I _can’t.”_

“Then what are you going to do? You can’t hide in a forest the rest of your life. Well, you _could_ , probably, but that’s beside the point.” 

What was he going to do? That was the question. 

The question with a thousand possibilities and not a single answer. 

“Go back to bed, Gwaine,” Arthur said finally. 

Gwaine gave him a long, searching look, before he stretched, stood, and made his way over to where the others were sleeping. 

Arthur sat alone, thinking. He couldn’t help but go in circles.

Finally, he caught himself yawning, and realised that given that he was on watch for intruders, it wouldn’t exactly look the best for the king to doze off. 

He stood and made his way to the sleeping knights. He felt a momentary twinge of guilt, before prodding Elyan sharply. 

Elyan eyes opened blearily, before widening and he leapt to his feet, nearly falling over, and looking about him for what had disturbed him. 

Arthur quickly held out a hand to steady him. “Woah, Elyan,” He chuckled slightly, “Calm down, it’s your watch, that’s all.” 

“Right,” Elyan said, seeming mildly embarrassed, “Of course.”

Arthur made his way back to bed. He lay down, and immediately knew he wasn’t going to sleep any time soon. 

He couldn’t stop going in circles. 

Soon enough, he was up again, where he made his way back to the log Elyan was sitting at. He looked up at Arthur’s approach, gaze a little quizzical. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Arthur said briefly, before taking a seat on the stump beside him. Elyan seemed to understand immediately, as he gave a quick nod, before turning back to the forest. 

“Sire,” Elyan said hesitantly, “Can I ask something?” 

Arthur took a deep breath. “I haven't made up my mind about Merlin yet,” Arthur said quietly, pre-empting the question. 

Elyan nodded, then moved as if to say something, before seemingly changing his mind, and turning back to the forest. Arthur frowned slightly. 

It happened a few times more after that. Elyan would turn to him, Arthur would see him in the corner of his eye, and Arthur was certain each time that Elyan would say something, but each time he seemed to reconsider. 

“Alright,” Arthur said, finally having enough, “What’s on your mind?”

Elyan jumped a little and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I... I don’t -”

“If you don’t tell me, then-” Arthur tried to think of a good threat, but before he could land on something Elyan’s mouth twitched as if to smile. 

“Alright, I’ll say what’s on my mind,” He said, before the smile faded away. “I don’t think Merlin should be punished for what he did.” 

Arthur raised his eyebrows. That was rather more blunt than he had been expecting.

“I don’t want to punish Merlin you know,” Arthur said quietly, “But he did use magic.” 

Elyan hesitated before speaking again. “That’s what they said about my father.” 

Ah. 

Arthur hadn’t thought of that. 

“The situation is different, I realise,” Elyan hurried on, “My father was wrongly-I mean, he was arrested for helping a sorcerer, while Merlin actually _is_ a sorcerer, but it comes to the same thing. They were both loyal to Camelot, and I truly believe that neither of them deserves to be punished for doing what they did. Merlin helped us. No matter how you look at it, Merlin helped us.”

Arthur raked his hand through his hair once more. “I... think I agree with what you say,” He said, his voice low, “But I can’t just...ignore it either. He used _magic_ , Elyan! He had magic, probably all this time. He kept this a secret for all this time, and who knows how much he’s _lied_ to me about it. So, even if I don’t punish him, then what am I meant to do?” 

Elyan looked down. “I think that the law shouldn’t be so...harsh,” He said quietly. 

“You think I should repeal the ban?” 

He looked up, surprised. “I didn’t say that,” He said quickly, “I just meant that I don’t think we need the death penalty, and _definitely_ not for people who didn’t even commit the crime. And maybe the...context of the magic should be considered.” 

“The context of the magic,” Arthur repeated hollowly. “I suppose that includes letting people who save us from bandits with magic just do as they please?” 

Elyan looked away. “I don’t know the logistics,” He said, not looking at Arthur, “But I’ve told you what I think. I can’t do any more.”

“If I were to take action against Merlin, what would you do?” Arthur wasn’t sure why he was asking. 

“I don’t know,” Elyan said, his tone thoughtful and anxious. “I truly don’t know.” 

“Neither do I,” Arthur admitted. 

They sat together in a thoughtful silence, as they watched the night go by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Arthur's started to question things now...  
> Next up, Arthur angsts a little more, Merlin worries more and Gaius is exasperated
> 
> Thank you so much for everyone who's been leaving kudos and commenting, I really appreciate it, and it's been amazing seeing the responses! Hope you enjoyed! :)


	4. Deliberation

** Chapter 4: Deliberation **

  
  
  


From the east, Arthur saw the sky begin to pale gently, spreading to orange like pigment dripped into water, spreading minutely across the early morning sky. 

He sighed and stretched, and wordlessly he and Elyan stood and set about waking the others. Breakfast was quick and meagre, he’d forgotten what it was like to travel in this way without Merlin cooking the meals, and as Arthur was quite an abysmal cook, he and Leon took a step back, letting Percival, Gwaine and Elyan take the lead. 

  
  


He still had no idea what he was going to do. 

He could almost feel Gwaine’s pointed silence being directed at him, and in place of the usual jokes and laughter, the atmosphere was subdued and a little nervous. 

  
  


Finally, they ate, prepared the horses, packed up, and set off once more. 

The patrol needed to be completed after all. 

  
  
  


He rode along, trying to come up with a solution that made complete sense. It was like forcing puzzle pieces together. Sure, they could _fit_ , but the two images obviously didn’t match. 

Such as it was with Merlin and Sorcery. 

Merlin was kind. Merlin was good. Sorcery was malignant and evil. 

Or maybe they weren’t. 

  
  


Maybe magic wasn’t purely evil. Maybe Gwaine had a point. Merlin had quite possibly saved his life with magic. That wasn’t the action of someone contaminated by magic. 

Unless it was? And there was some huge overarching plan? But no, that didn’t make sense. 

  
  


The only conclusion that made sense was that Gwaine could be right. 

That magic wasn’t evil. That Merlin was just Merlin. 

Except that Merlin would have been constantly committing treason. 

Actually, that wasn’t too implausible, the amount of times Arthur had managed to lead Merlin to breaking rules. So maybe Merlin was amenable to breaking a few rules, would one of those really be magic?

  
  


Arthur huffed in frustration. 

He was just going in circles now. 

  
  


“Are you alright, Sire?” 

  
  


Leon looked concernedly over at him from his own horse. 

  
  


Maybe Leon had some advice? 

  
  


“Frankly, not really,” Arthur said tiredly. Leon had been by his side for so long, he had to have some insight to the problem. “I’m concerned as to what to do about Merlin.” 

  
  


Leon looked if anything even more concerned but didn’t offer any advice. 

  
  


“What’s your thoughts on the matter?” Arthur asked finally. 

  
  


“Sire,” Leon said, slowly, “I’m not sure you truly wish to know my thought on the matter.” 

  
  


Arthur frowned. “Leon, I trust you, you may speak freely.” 

  
  


Leon hesitated for a moment longer, before taking a deep breath. “Sire, Merlin broke the law. However, you look at it, that remains true. I don’t want you to mistake me, I truly like him, he’s always seemed a decent person, and I’ve never truly doubted his loyalty, but that doesn’t change the fact that he knowingly broke the law, while knowing the consequences for his actions. He knew perfectly well what he was doing, and he did it anyway. I don’t see that there is much to deliberate over.” 

  
  


“Do you not think that I should take into consideration that he used magic to fend off the bandits attacking us?” Arthur asked, a little uncomfortably. He hadn’t really been expecting that reaction. 

It made more sense than anyone else’s reactions. 

But it felt so _wrong._

  
  


“Sire, if a person steals, then no matter their reason, they are punished in the manner the law dictates. Why they broke the law does not change the fact that they broke the law knowingly. Merlin broke the law, who knows how many times over, entirely knowingly. You cannot make exceptions just because you are close. I am truly sorry for this to have happened, I don’t wish harm on Merlin, but...he still chose to learn and utilise magic.” 

  
  


Arthur bit the inside of his lip. Was he just too close to the matter? Or was he seeing _more_ clearly? 

  
  


“I understand what you are saying, Leon, and I thank you for your honesty,” Arthur said, heavily, “But… I can’t execute him. Maybe I am simply too close, but I cannot sentence him to death. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I could do that.”

  
  


Leon have a sharp nod. “I understand,” He said simply. There was a pause before he spoke again. “In that case, what do you intend to do?” 

  
  


“Gwaine thinks I should repeal the ban.” 

  
  


Leon looked against. “He thinks _what?”_

  
  


“He thinks that magic is not necessarily evil, that it should be somewhat regulated, but not banned. I agree that I can’t allow Merlin to be excepted from the law, and in that case...I would have to change the law, if I don’t wish him punished.” 

  
  


“Arthur,” Leon looked troubled, “Are you truly considering repealing the ban? After all that’s happened?” 

  
  


“I don’t know,” Arthur groaned quietly, “I don’t know what I’m going to do about Merlin, I don’t know why Merlin decided to do magic or break the law, I don’t know whether I should keep enforcing the law or repeal it. I just don’t know. But I do know that I will not see Merlin executed. I do know that despite his many faults, despite _all this,_ he has been a friend, and that he has been loyal. I don’t think he deserves to be banished, or maybe not even sacked.”

  
  


“If you don’t want him punished, and you don’t wish him to be entirely exempt from the law, then the only option you would have left would be repealing the ban,” Leon summed up, sounding less as if he were advocating for either side, and more as if he was wishing for clarification. Or to be told he was wrong, and Arthur was joking, or maybe this was all some weird dream. 

  
  


“I think...that about sums it up,” Arthur groaned. 

  
  


Leon was looking at him as if slightly worried for his sanity, but Arthur felt that Leon understood the situation rather better than he wished to admit. 

  
  


Now just to consider how exactly one went about repealing a ban that had lasted well over two decades. 

Nice and simple. 

  
  


Arthur was getting sick of complications. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Merlin made his way back in a daze. He saw the great towers rising up, and felt his throat tighten. 

This might well be the last time he saw them as he entered Camelot. 

  
  


He was nearly at the gates when he paused, as he began to wonder what exactly he could say to explain his early arrival.

  
  


Perhaps using the main entrance would raise too many questions. Swiftly, he turned away, making a beeline for the alternate, less passable entrance. 

He didn’t like to use it too often, but he still did every once in a while, when he was in a hurry, when he was avoiding something or someone, or occasionally just when he was bored. 

  
  


The grates leading to the tunnels stood firm. He whispered a spell, and felt the rush of magic, as the grate detached, and he leapt in quickly to catch it as it fell forwards. He glanced around, perhaps a little late, to check that no one was around, before ducking inside, sealing the grate back up behind him with another whispered spell. 

  
  


He had to lower his head as he travelled through, the roof was rather lower than was comfortable, but soon he managed to make his way through, and coming out in the bright light filling the bustling street. 

Market day. He’d always enjoyed seeing it, the vendors flogging their wares, the smells rising off of perfumes, or bunches of herbs, or someone selling food.

  
  


This might be the last time he saw it. 

And suddenly it was as if the clouds had pulled over, darkening the sky. 

  
  


For all he knew, Arthur would be returning with the announcement to light the pyres. It was rather more likely than he wanted to admit. He would feel betrayed. He might do anything. 

  
  


Merlin shook his head as if trying to dislodge the thoughts. He refused to contemplate that, there was no way that Arthur could do that, and if he did then...well. He’d escaped the fires once before as Dragoon. He could do it again. 

And then… he’d be alone. Truly alone. 

He’d probably return to Ealdor. Back to the suspicious glances of the neighbours, and the monotony of the daily tasks. It might be peaceful. But ever since Will...Merlin had been avoiding returning. He had only done so a few times in all the time since then, and each visit had been painful, and brief. 

  
  


That couldn’t be his life. He was destined after all, surely _destiny_ wouldn’t allow Arthur to send him away? If so, he didn’t have to worry. After all, he still had so much to do, unless he’d already failed. Was it possible to fail a destiny? Didn’t that make it predetermined? 

But in that case, why did he have to work so hard to protect Arthur? Surely Arthur would just have to be fine always, given that he had his own destiny to fulfil. 

He needed to be alone and figure it out. No, he needed to talk to someone about it. But that was out of the question-

  
  


“Merlin?” 

  
  


Merlin looked up to see Gaius looking at him, seeming nonplussed. He was carrying several small bundles of herbs, clearly just bought from the market. 

“What are you doing? Where’s Arthur?” 

  
  


Merlin froze. “I... I’ve come back,” He said, his voice shaking more than he had expected it to. 

  
  


Gaius frowned in a concerned way. “Merlin, are you quite alright? What’s happened?”

  
  


_Oh, you know, I accidentally did magic in front of Arthur when he didn’t realise, I had magic, and now my friend may well be about to order my death._

Suddenly he felt exhausted. He shook his head mutely. “Arthur’s fine,” He said, his voice weaker than it was usually. He couldn’t bring himself to care too much. “Can we talk inside?” 

  
  


Gaius’s look of worry deepened, and without asking any more questions, the two headed back quickly to their chambers. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The patrol wasn’t going so well. 

  
  


Or rather, it was, which was precisely what Arthur didn’t want right now. He didn’t want to be peacefully traveling, alone with his thoughts and nothing to distract him. 

  
  


He had honestly never wished to be attacked by bandits, but at least if he were to be, he wouldn’t have to be thinking about _the situation._

  
  


They were now on the journey to return to Camelot. And Arthur still had not made up his mind. Merlin had been away for less than a full day, and he already was missing his inane prattle. So, he wanted to keep Merlin as his servant. But he also couldn’t forget the fact that Merlin had apparently had magic all this time. 

So. 

He needed to talk to Merlin. Maybe he could just convince him to stop using magic. To give it up, as Gaius had done. Didn’t sound too difficult. But he was working with the assumption that Merlin would react in a normal way, which was always a dangerous assumption with Merlin. 

  
  


No matter how he spiralled, he had one certainty. He needed to talk to Merlin. There would be no final decision until he could talk to him. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


“So, if I’m fully understanding the situation, and do correct me if I’m wrong,” Gaius said, looking as if he was desperately hoping Merlin would, in fact, correct him, in pretty much everything, “You decided to reveal your magic, Arthur believed you to be confessing your love, and so you used your magic to attack a group of bandits in front of all the knights of the round table, and Arthur himself. The king. And to top it all off, Gwaine has known about your magic all this time. Is that right?” 

  
  


Merlin looked down at his bowl of soup. “Yeah,” He said finally, “Pretty much.”  
  
  


“Well,” Gaius sighed, leaning back heavily, “I suppose we have to figure out what we will be doing next.” 

  
  


He suddenly looked so many years older. Merlin looked up at him. “I know I don’t know what I’m meant to do. Don’t suppose you do?”

  
  


“I think we need to wait for Arthur to return. I imagine he’s going to be doing a lot of thinking. But we may wish to make a plan for the worst case.”

  
  


Merlin bit his lip and nodded. 

  
  


After pushing his spoon around the soup, he’d finally given it up and made his way to his small room, where he wondered what he would take with him if he needed to run. 

He sat on his bed, looking at the slight mess of things scattered around, before giving that up as well, moving instead to stand on the small box, and look out the window. 

  
  


Camelot seemed so peaceful. The market was ending, stalls calling out last minute drops in their prices, some people wandering past, or browsing the shelves. Some stalls had packed up already, others still in the process, causing the street to grow steadily emptier. 

Time lost meaning for the while, as he watched from his window. The people moved like ants, and _he might never see it again._

  
  


Then he saw the horses riding up into the courtyard, and he jumped. 

  
  


_No. Not yet._

  
  


But it was unmistakably them. Arthur in the lead, the horse’s hooves clattering against the stones, audible even from the tower as the sounds drifted up. Behind the small blond dot that was Arthur, were the other knights. They seemed rather more subdued than they had been setting out. 

  
  


Now what? 

  
  


Usually Merlin would be hurrying around by now, helping take care of the horses, leading them back to the stables, lugging their baggage up to Arthur’s chambers, and smuggling away any spare food to have later, which Gwaine would usually participate in, laughing all the while. 

  
  


Not today. He couldn’t go down there. Not when he would face them all. Although down there would be easier to run if things went wrong. 

  
  


He would have to speak to them at some point, but he could delay. Just for the moment. 

  
  


He stepped away from the window and leaned against the wall. 

  
  


Well at least the waiting was nearly over. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to give a huge thank you to everyone who's been leaving kudos, and commenting, it really does mean a lot, so thank you! :)
> 
> Next up...a necessary conversation...


	5. A Necessary Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay for this chapter! Life has been a little hectic, but hey, it's done now! Hope you enjoy! :)

** Chapter 5: A Necessary Conversation **

The waiting wasn’t quite over. 

It turned out that Merlin was very good at avoiding conflict, even if it was inevitable. Even so, it was hard to seek it out, given that every day that passed could well be his last, if that day he were to run into Arthur. 

He was heartened by the fact that his magic had not been publicly announced, nor an announcement for his execution, or at least capture. 

Gwen had managed to find him, and that had been bad enough. He had stuttered and stammered, until he eventually made a small butterfly appear in his hands and released it. She had gone pale, and he had notified the Steward that she had taken ill, and no, she wouldn’t be able to work today, possibly not even tomorrow. 

Now he was avoiding her too. She was perhaps his oldest friend in Camelot, and he wasn’t sure how he would manage with her distrust of him. 

The steward at the time had also notified Merlin that Arthur was looking for him, before thoroughly berating him for ignoring his duties. Merlin hung his head, and quickly escaped. 

But it had been roughly a day and a bit since they had returned, and he wouldn’t be able to keep avoiding the conflict forever. 

He leaned against the wall of the corridor he was currently in, worrying at his lip. 

He really should talk to Arthur. Sooner rather than later. 

Then he heard footsteps echoing down the corridor, and voices. 

“I don’t understand! Gwen’s said Merlin had arrived, but I haven't seen him at all!” Arthur’s irritated voice echoed up. 

“Well, can you blame him?” Gwaine.

“Yes!” A pause, a sigh. “No,” Arthur admitted, slightly quieter, but a little closer, “I guess I can’t, but even so-”

The voices really were quite close. Merlin tried to stand still, to face this head on, this conversation that really did have to happen. He had stood up to so many things, he had faced sorcerers, dragons, wyverns, Morgana multiple times, he could do this. 

The footsteps kept coming closer. At any moment they would turn the corner and see him. 

His nerve failed. 

When he was back in his chambers, Gaius gave him a look, and then sighed. “You still haven't spoken to him?” He asked, incredulously. Merlin hung his head. Gaius’ expression did not soften. “You can’t avoid him forever; you do have to see him at some point.”

“I know,” Merlin groaned, flopping onto a chair, “But I can’t just, walk in, you know?” 

“Why not? Merlin, that’s all you _can_ do.”

Merlin looked up at that. “Thanks,” He said sarcastically, “I’m so glad you value my skills-”

“Oh, you know what I mean.” 

They fell into a silence. 

* * *

Arthur was fuming. This was meant to be the simple part, the easy part, it was step one on the small list he had come up with. No, step one was _talking_ to Merlin, it was before that, just finding him. 

It really shouldn’t be this difficult. 

People had seen him around, but it was like hunting smoke. Gwen had seen him, spoken to him, as had the Steward, and a number of other people. Not him. 

Gwaine was grinning. He seemed to be finding it all rather too amusing. “I’m not sure you’ll find him until he wants to be found,” He said now. 

“Why!” Arthur threw his hands up, “Just why! I just want to talk to him, where can he _be?”_

“I’m assuming you checked his and Gaius’ chambers?” Gwaine suggested. 

“That was the first place I looked, and I keep checking it, but he’s never there. I can’t figure it out.”  
  
  


“Maybe you should sneak in at night, surely he’s going there to sleep?”

Arthur glared at Gwaine. “Gwaine. I’m the king. I can’t be seen _sneaking into my servants’ bedchambers at night.”_

Gwaine snorted, but Arthur was _fairly_ certain that he understood. 

“Seriously though, how am I meant to find him?”

“Maybe just carry on with your kingly tasks, you’re bound to run into each other eventually.” 

Arthur sighed heavily. “I think I may actually have to do that.” 

“My advice is always ideal.” 

“Wouldn’t go that far.”

* * *

Merlin was caught up talking to the steward again. The steward was not impressed by him slacking off to this degree, and there wasn’t really an excuse Merlin could give about it. After a few uncomfortable minutes, or possibly hours, he managed to extricate himself from the situation, and escape down the corridor, threats echoing behind him that _he was going to tell the King about this lacklustre performance, don’t think I won’t!_

Once out of sight of the steward, he broke into a run, and hurtled around the corner, and immediately crashed into someone. 

“Sorry!” He apologised hurriedly, before freezing. 

He had just crashed into Arthur. 

Who was now sitting on the floor. 

Evidently having been heading out for training, Arthur was wearing his armour, which apparently didn’t help him keep his balance when crashed into. 

Merlin was frozen to the spot. 

For a long moment, they just stared at one another. 

Then Arthur pushed himself to his feet. “Merlin. I was looking for you, you know.” His tone was dangerous. 

Merlin’s mouth was very dry. “Really?” He tried. 

“You know I was. You’ve been avoiding me.”

There wasn’t a whole lot he could say about that, so he stood mutely. 

“Come with me,” Arthur ordered, turning sharply on his heels, and heading for his chambers, not even looking to see if Merlin was following. 

He could just leave. But no, this was happening, it was happening now, and no amount of preparation could help him. He needed to talk to him. 

Resignedly, Merlin followed. 

* * *

Arthur strode ahead blindly. 

He had meant to plan out what he would say to Merlin, but then he’d been so caught up in just finding him, that he simply hadn’t been able to work it out. 

Now he was seriously regretting it. 

But that didn’t mean he was going to put this off. 

He barely noticed the guards by his door, who pulled the doors to his chamber open, allowing him to stride inside, and once he had entered, he spun on his heels to see Merlin following behind, at a slightly slower pace. He seemed to be eyeing the guards a little warily but moved past. 

The doors to the chamber closed, and he and Merlin were alone. 

“Right,” Arthur said, “Tell me. First off, _why_ have you been avoiding me?” 

Merlin seemed to have been trying out being quietly respectful, but at the question, he looked up at Arthur, doing that look that clearly said that Merlin thought he was being slow. It was such a _Merlin_ look, that had happened so many times, and so rarely from anyone else, that for a moment everything felt right. 

Then Merlin quickly rearranged his features, back to quiet servitude.

“I... wasn’t entirely sure...what was expected of me. Sire,” He added on quickly. 

Arthur glared at him, then shook his head defeatedly. “Fine. That’s not what I wanted to discuss anyway.” 

He waited for Merlin to say something else, but Merlin was looking at the floor. 

Arthur took a deep breath before speaking. “I have thought and thought about what I’m going to do. And frankly, I’ve still not come to a solution. Not really. I decided I needed to hear from you before I could decide anything.” 

At that, Merlin finally looked up, but still, he didn’t speak. 

Arthur plowed on. “I needed to hear it from you. Why are you a sorcerer?” 

“I don’t know.”

“You _don’t know?”_ Arthur demanded, incredulously. Here he was, trying to talk, and Merlin was still lying, still holding back secrets-

“What I mean is,” Merlin hurried on, “I didn’t _learn_ magic, not like most people do. I was born able to do magic, so according to a dragon apparently that makes me a warlock, not a sorcerer, not that that really is the point here, the point is that I didn’t choose it, but I do have magic, and I always did, and I never knew how to tell you, although I wanted to, and I did actually say it once before, and I also did try to tell you all this a couple days ago, even if that didn’t entirely work out, but I did, so I feel I shouldn’t be in trouble for lying when the issue is that you’re a dollop-head, shouldn’t have said that, but-”

“Merlin. Shut up,” Arthur interrupted. Merlin stopped and bit his lip. 

Arthur dragged his hand through his hair, thinking. “So. I’m trying to pick out what you said there. You were _born_ with magic? I didn’t know that could happen.”

“Well frankly neither do most people, Gaius was stunned and thought I was lying I think, but eventually apparently my mother told him, so he accepted it.”

Arthur closed his eyes. “So, Gaius knows.” 

Merlin’s eyes went wide. “I didn’t...I-”

“No, _obviously_ he does,” Arthur said irritably. “Who else knows?” 

Merlin shuffled his feet. “Not many people.” 

“Who?”

“Why do you want to know?” Merlin’s tone was wary once more, and Arthur understood in a rush why he was so hesitant with the information. 

“I’m not going to hurt them or anything, I just want to know.” Honestly, he felt a little stung that Merlin thought that a consideration. 

Merlin hesitated a moment longer. “Well. My mother, obviously, Gaius, a surprising number of druids, although I’m not entirely clear on how they know, a dragon, Balinor, seemingly every magical threat we’ve faced that wasn’t human, umm, apparently Gwaine, Lancelot-”

_“Lancelot?”_ Arthur demanded, _“LANCELOT?”_

“Um, yeah.” Merlin looked deeply uncomfortable. 

“HOW?” 

“He, um, noticed me doing magic. I mean, admittedly I wasn’t exactly being subtle, but yeah, that was surprising.”

_“When was this?”_

“Um, when he first came to Camelot.” 

Arthur shook his head in disbelief. “I... Lancelot? I just...I never would have thought…”

Merlin was eyeing him worriedly, and Arthur forced himself to get back on track. 

“Ok.” Wait. “That was quite a long list.” 

“A bit.” 

  
“Druids?” 

Merlin shuffled his feet uncomfortably. “Like I said, they just seem to know, I didn’t tell them, so I’m really not sure exactly how they know, but they do. They also call me Emrys. Quite a lot of magical things do, again, not entirely sure why, but that’s another thing.” 

“Emrys?” 

Merlin shrugged helplessly. 

Arthur gave up. This conversation was taking a very unexpected turn. 

“Why does a dragon know?” 

Merlin looked as if he regretted mentioning that. “Well. I met him. And for some reason he knew. Again, didn’t tell him-”

“Have you _told_ anyone?”

“Well,” Merlin was still looking uncomfortable, “I tried to tell you.” 

A silence fell between them.

Arthur took another deep breath. 

“Ok. So... if you were born with magic, why would you come to Camelot?” 

Merlin looked away. “I just…I didn’t feel I fit in anyway in Ealdor. Then Will found out about my magic, and my mother...well, she panicked, and thought he would tell everyone or something, and told me I was leaving to learn to be a physician with my uncle. I wasn’t all that keen, but it sounded interesting, and I was curious, so I left. And came here.”

“But why here?” 

Merlin frowned. “Well, I didn’t have a lot of places that people were begging to let me live with them, and I didn’t exactly have enough money to go buy a place to live, and I had to leave Ealdor, so it just made sense.”

“You were meant to be the physician?” 

Merlin snorted. “Yeah. Can you imagine?” 

Arthur chuckled, and again, for a moment, all seemed right. But just as quickly the world rushed back in. 

“Merlin,” Arthur said, more seriously now, “I really don’t know what to do about you. You lied to me, all this time. And all this time, you’ve been breaking the law, and I don’t know how to overlook that.”

Merlin went very quiet. 

“I just…” Arthur looked away from Merlin’s eyes, “I don’t think I can overlook all that magic has done.” 

“All that _people_ have done,” Merlin corrected quietly. 

“What?” 

“People, with magic, did things. Just as people, without magic have done things. It’s just that the people with magic live in constant fear of execution throughout their lives. Nowadays, the only people with magic are people who were born with it, druids, a scattering of other people, but also people who desire power so much they don’t mind the consequences, and they’d cause trouble anyway quite frankly. And magic can only really be learned illegally, so there’s not exactly a lot of security in who gets to gain magic. Everyone else lives in fear, and naturally wish they didn’t, so some of them take drastic measures. I’m not saying I agree, but you can understand.”  
  
  


Arthur stared at Merlin mutely. “Merlin. Sorcery killed my father.” 

Merlin looked at him levelly. “I found out who my father was, not really so long ago,” He said suddenly. “I found out he was Balinor. He was killed by your father, not because he did anything wrong, he served Uther for most his life, he was a valued member of the court, but then Uther ordered his death, because he had magic. Uther’s hatred of magic killed my father. But I’m not taking revenge. I don’t _want_ revenge. I don’t want more hatred.”

“What do you want then?”

Arthur was staring at Merlin as if he were a stranger. This Merlin, he didn’t feel he knew. The Merlin he knew, couldn’t lie to save his life, as they had discovered multiple times, while this Merlin, lied and kept secrets easily. 

No. He was wrong. Merlin could lie. Or at least, Merlin could conceal. Not well, but well enough to deflect suspicion. Merlin had lied to Uther’s face repeatedly, despite the consequences, when Arthur had met Sophia. And the number of times Arthur and Merlin had set out on quests, directly disobeying Uther’s orders...

So maybe Merlin wasn’t so changed as Arthur had thought, after all. 

“I... I want to live in peace. I want to be happy; I want to be free to be who I am. I don’t want to hide who I am, for fear that if I do my friends will want me dead.”

Merlin looked entirely serious. Arthur felt his throat constrict at the level of emotion in his eyes. 

“So, what do I do?” 

Merlin didn’t answer for a moment. “You’ve known about me for days now, and you haven’t ordered me to be killed or banished. You’ve been deliberating this matter for ages now. I imagine you’ve spoken to some people about this, you’ve sought opinions. I think you know by now what you want to do.” 

Arthur closed his eyes. “I think you’re right,” He said softly. 

Merlin smiled. 

* * *

There was a small council meeting at first. When the topic of conversation was announced, the topic of rewriting the laws on magic, and repealing the ban, there was outrage.

There was a lot of shouting. 

Arthur shouted a bit as well. 

Merlin stood back, watching the events uncertainly. Two decades of hatred wouldn’t disappear overnight. But at least the process was starting. 

Gwaine caught his eye, grinning widely. He seemed delighted by the news, and even spoke up. This might well have been a first, usually Gwaine liked to claim illness when council meetings were announced, or managed to conveniently be out on small quests, or doing punishment extra training, or just very hungover, so he rarely participated in meetings such as these. 

This did mean that when he now voiced his opinion, it carried rather more weight than it would do normally, giving that his opinion would be rarely heard. 

Then the other knights spoke up as well, and Arthur again and again, and after quite a long time, the other council members seemed to start to consider the proposals. 

They reconvened the next day. And the next. 

It was rather a long time later, that Arthur was able to stand up on the battlements, and the announcement was made; magic was no longer to be banned. New rules were in place, and there was to be a system established to teach magic, or just about it. 

There was to be a new division of guards, entirely magical. 

The news took a while to sink in, but then it did. It settled gradually, some more reluctantly than others, but gradually, most people began to accept it, although some of it was rather more grudgingly.

More people with magic began to come forward, hesitantly at first, then more willingly, to join the new magical squadron, or to teach, or just to announce themselves to their friends and family. 

The druids came forward, with news that they were delighted to hear the news, and accepted the formal apology made by Arthur. 

Merlin grinned widely at the memories, before knocking smartly at Arthur’s door. 

“Come in!” He called, as Merlin was already pushing the door open.

“Ah Merlin!” Arthur called, from where he was sitting at his desk, quill in hand. “Come look at this.” 

“Another speech?” Merlin asked, surprised as he moved over to where Arthur was twiddling with his quill, “What else is there to announce?” 

“Read for yourself.”

“People of Camelot,” Merlin read, “I know there have been many changes recently...I am making...one more…?” Merlin glanced at Arthur quizzically, who grinned widely, and gestured for him to continue. Frowning, Merlin read on. “I am announcing a new position… Arthur, what is all this? Why don’t I know about this?” 

“Read on!” Arthur ordered, still grinning. 

Baffled, Merlin turned back to the parchment. “...The position of...Court Sorcerer…? This position will be given to-” Merlin froze. 

Arthur was grinning widely.

Merlin couldn’t stop rereading the two lines. Arthur was appointing him Court sorcerer. _Arthur_ was appointing him, _court sorcerer_. _Him_. Court _Sorcerer_. 

“Arthur-I don’t know what to say. What even is a court sorcerer?”

Arthur laughed. “You’ll be like an advisor, but on magical stuff mainly. And you can help out with magical issues. I’ve worked it out. What do you think? Court Sorcerer Merlin?” 

Merlin still felt frozen. But gradually, the news sank in. The corner of his mouth turned upwards. 

“Court Sorcerer Merlin,” He tried not to grin as he said it, “It does have a certain ring to it.”

Arthur grinned widely and stood up. “I suppose I’ll need a new servant,” He sighed dramatically, and suddenly Merlin couldn’t stop beaming. 

“I suppose you will,” He joked, not quite able to believe it. 

Arthur began to laugh, and Merlin couldn’t help but join in. 

It rang out in the chamber. 

Camelot was changed. And Merlin felt it had changed very much for the better. Perhaps it hadn’t changed in quite a manner he would have guessed, but he wouldn’t change any of it. 

Soon, they stood, and made their way out. A new future was beginning. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all the people who have been leaving kudos and comments, I really appreciate it, and the comments definitely helped with motivation a couple times XD So thank you, and I hope that this last chapter has been a suitable end!
> 
> Seriously, thank you! Glad you've enjoyed it XD


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